Extremely Careless

Anybody want an "extremely careless" babysitter? How about an "extremely careless" plummer or proctologist?

In medicine there is a game that gets played called damning by faint praise. That's when a department chief wants to get rid of a poor performing intern or resident and writes him or her a letter of recommendation to send his or her butt somewhere else. It's an anywhere but here letter. Poor fund of medical knowledge is another term.

Employers do it and so do school teachers. We don't know if the birds and the bees do. But now we know the FBI does. That's what they called Democrat presidential hopeful Hilary Clinton after supposedly perusing her e-mails when she was Secretary of State. The implication was one of impropriety otherwise called breaking the f.....g law.

Now that that's all cleared up we can all rush out and finally elect an "extremely careless' President. We don't know about you, but we feel less angst already. We've not, thank God, attorneys and we have it on good report that some attorneys still mention God, not in vain of course, but we think there is something in law labeled negligence.

Now we haven't looked it up. Maybe some barrister will send it to us. But to our non-Ivy League pedigree rube commodity-trading ears, those two things sound fungible. And that brooks another question: Are "extremely careless" people on one job "extremely careless" on the next?  But before you get all upset and start thinking about changing your mind whom you're going to vote for this November, let us put your mind extremely at ease. We must admit, however, it extremely troubled us, too.

This should make you feel extremely better. We came across one of those double blind crossover peer reviewed studies only extremely real scientists do and, with all respect to the New England Journal of Extremely Real Medicine, here are the reassuring results. There is one caveat we should tell you. It was a relatively small sample. Probably too small to be extremely significant. Only a million participants.

For every 998,000 "extremely careless" workers, two were not "extremely careless" in their next position. But here the best part. So you can stop worrying. We just found this out. One of the questions aspiring proctologists are asked when applying to their programs is: "Are you 'extremely careless."


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